A Child’s Family Portrait


A Child’s Family Portrait

By: Chad Rhodes   January 20, 2018

As most children dream of lollipops, running and playing without a care, some children face a much bleaker outlook.

As I report this story I feel a great sadness in my heart. For a child who draws a family portrait that involves violence and/or sexual abuse just does not sit well with me. When children draw a portrait of the family that involves violent crimes there are usually subtle reminders in their drawings. The dad and mother are fighting, blood from scratches and the little girl or boy calling out “STOP” “STOP” to their parents or abuser. As these few drawings shows the male abuser’s penis is usually showing.

Very sad and disturbing to think we have people of this caliber in our society today.

No matter what your financial situation, your ethnic background, your social status, this domestic violence and sexual abuse is real. Many children who grow up in households with violence and abuse have become abusers themselves or victims of an abusive relationship.

I’m sure we have all witnessed or heard the cries and voices of domestic violence at some time in our lives. You very rarely hear the cries of the child who is being sexually abused.

If you know of a child who is in danger please pick up the phone and call the police and report it. You could just save their life.

I think we need to change the thinking pattern for 2018. We all need to help that person. Whether the victim places charges with the police or not, we as a community we all need to call the police and stand up for a victim who cannot or will not stand up for themselves. You can do it anonymously. No One will know it was you. Yes it is scary. But just think if it was you, wouldn’t you want someone to help you?

NATIONAL STATISTICS for 2017

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.

On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.

The presence of a gun in a domestic violence situation increases the risk of homicide by 500%.

Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.

Women between the ages of 18-24 are most commonly abused by an intimate partner.

19% of domestic violence involves a weapon.

Domestic victimization is correlated with a higher rate of depression and suicidal behavior.

Only 34% of people who are injured by intimate partners receive medical care for their injuries.

 

RAPE

1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men in the United States has been raped in their lifetime.

Almost half of female (46.7%) and male (44.9%) victims of rape in the United States were raped by an acquaintance. Of these, 45.4% of female rape victims and 29% of male rape victims were raped by an intimate partner.

 

 

STALKING

19.3 million women and 5.1 million men in the United States have been stalked in their lifetime.1 60.8% of female stalking victims and 43.5% men reported being stalked by a current or former intimate partner.

HOMICIDE

A study of intimate partner homicides found that 20% of victims were not the intimate partners themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders.

72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these murder suicides are female.

CHILDREN AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence.

 

ECONOMIC IMPACT

Victims of intimate partner violence lose a total of 8.0 million days of paid work each year.

The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $8.3 billion per year.

Between 21-60% of victims of intimate partner violence lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from the abuse.

Between 2003 and 2008, 142 women were murdered in their workplace by their abuser, 78% of women killed in the workplace during this time frame.

PHYSICAL/MENTAL IMPACT

Women abused by their intimate partners are more vulnerable to contracting HIV or other STI’s due to forced intercourse or prolonged exposure to stress.

Studies suggest that there is a relationship between intimate partner violence and depression and suicidal behavior.

Physical, mental, and sexual and reproductive health effects have been linked with intimate partner violence including adolescent pregnancy, unintended pregnancy in general, miscarriage, stillbirth, intrauterine hemorrhage, nutritional deficiency, abdominal pain and other gastrointestinal problems, neurological disorders, chronic pain, disability, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), as well as non-communicable diseases such as hypertension, cancer and cardiovascular diseases. Victims of domestic violence are also at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN HAWAII

  • Asian and Pacific Islander communities experience domestic violence at much higher rates than the general

population. 40% – 61% of Asian women report experiencing domestic violence, as compared to 20% for

White, African-American and Latino communities.

  • In a single day in Hawaii, domestic violence programs served 505 victims.
  • 41% of Hawaii domestic violence programs reported being underfunded, understaffed, or both.
  • 1 in 7 women in Hawaii has been raped in her lifetime.

DID YOU KNOW?

  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men in the United States have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.
  • On a typical day, domestic violence hotlines receive approximately 21,000 calls, approximately 15 calls every minute.
  • Intimate partner violence accounts for 15% of all violent crime.
  • The presence of a gun in the home during a domestic violence incident increases the risk of homicide by at least 500%.
  • 72% of all murder-suicides involved an intimate partner; 94% of the victims of these crimes are female.

If you need help: Call The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or, online go to http://www.DomesticShelters.org

Big Island Residents who need HELP contact:   http://www.hawaiipolice.com/services/domestic-violence-services

Someone To Talk To

Talk person to person with someone trained to help you 24 hours a day, 365 days a year:

Hale ʻOhana (24-hour support)
959-8864

Sex Assault Crisis Hotline
935-0677

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

TTY for hearing impaired
1-800-787-3244

Suicide & Crisis Access Line
1-800-735-6879

Teen Dating Abuse
1-866-331-9474

https://www.unicef.org/media/files/BehindClosedDoors.pdf

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What Is Domestic Violence?


Did anyone ever figure we would be having this conversation in 2018?

We have moved through generation after generation with the continuance of domestic violence and abuse. When will someone care enough to call when someone hears the cries for HELP? Help them when they can not or will not help themselves. Sometimes it takes a community to stop the violence. SPEAK OUT AND BE THE VOICE. Its an anonymous call to the police.

What Is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.

Domestic violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. It is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior that is only a fraction of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and in severe cases, even death. The devastating physical, emotional, and psychological consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

It is not always easy to determine in the early stages of a relationship if one person will become abusive. Domestic violence intensifies over time. Abusers may often seem wonderful and perfect initially, but gradually become more aggressive and controlling as the relationship continues.

What Does Abuse Include?

Abuse may begin with behaviors that may easily be dismissed or downplayed such as name-calling, threats, possessiveness, or distrust. Abusers may apologize profusely for their actions or try to convince the person they are abusing that they do these things out of love or care. However, violence and control always intensifies over time with an abuser, despite the apologies. What may start out as something that was first believed to be harmless (e.g., wanting the victim to spend all their time only with them because they love them so much) escalates into extreme control and abuse (e.g., threatening to kill or hurt the victim or others if they speak to family, friends, etc.). Some examples of abusive tendencies include but are not limited to:1

  • Telling the victim that they can never do anything right
  • Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away
  • Accusing the victim of cheating
  • Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family members
  • Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs
  • Controlling every penny spent in the household
  • Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for expenses
  • Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing
  • Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do
  • Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
  • Stalking the victim or monitoring their victim’s every move (in person or also via the internet and/or other devices such as GPS tracking or the victim’s phone)
  • Preventing the victim from making their own decisions
  • Telling the victim that they are a bad parent or threatening to hurt, kill, or take away their children
  • Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or pets
  • Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons
  • Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to do things sexually they are not comfortable with
  • Forcing sex with others
  • Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth control
  • Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol
  • Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they perform badly at their job or in school
  • Destroying the victim’s property

Is Domestic Violence Always Physical Abuse?

It is important to note that domestic violence does not always manifest as physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse can often be just as extreme as physical violence. Lack of physical violence does not mean the abuser is any less dangerous to the victim, nor does it mean the victim is any less trapped by the abuse.

 

What Happens When the Abusive Relationship Ends?

Domestic violence does not always end when the victim escapes the abuser, tries to terminate the relationship, and/or seeks help. Often, it intensifies because the abuser feels a loss of control over the victim. Abusers frequently continue to stalk, harass, threaten, and try to control the victim after the victim escapes. In fact, the victim is often in the most danger directly following the escape of the relationship or when they seek help: 1/5 of homicide victims with restraining orders are murdered within two days of obtaining the order; 1/3 are murdered within the first month.2

Unfair blame is frequently put upon the victim of abuse because of assumptions that victims choose to stay in abusive relationships. The truth is, bringing an end to abuse is not a matter of the victim choosing to leave; it is a matter of the victim being able to safely escape their abuser, the abuser choosing to stop the abuse, or others (e.g., law enforcement, courts) holding the abuser accountable for the abuse they inflict.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.